These were last week’s carrot cake muffins, as I have not baked any cakes at all this week. I am slowly coming to the painful realisation that I am a sugar addict, even if I never actually add the stuff to my own cup of tea. Sugar is hidden in all sorts of comestibles, cheeky or otherwise and much wiser and better informed people than me have written reams about the dangers of excessive sugar in our diets. As I come into possession of more knowledge about this issue, I am cutting down the amount of sugar I consume, although not without difficulty. The first difficulty is to do with energy levels and being honest about them. I tend to eat healthily until about mid afternoon onwards then stuff my face with whatever sweet things I can get my hands on (often in secret), eat a decent evening meal then repeat the face-stuffing later on. It is just dawning on me that perhaps I’m using sugar when actually what I need is a 20 minute nap – or a good night’s sleep. When I’ve practised yoga, I am better at avoiding the sweet stuff for more of the day, but rarely pass a sweet-free 24 hours. After a particularly amazing yoga class with Simi at Hot Bikram Yoga Balham on Wednesday I managed this particular miracle since all was well with the world. It was so good that I found another part of my being, so light and refined, that I’d only ever dreamed of.
This leads me to the second difficulty. When something is good, I want to repeat the experience, be it the taste of chocolate, the feel-good factor of yoga or the second cup of uber-strong coffee. So, on Thursday, off I trotted to Paul’s class at the aforementioned yoga studios, full of too much caffeine and expectation of brilliance. It was hot, I was tired, heart pounding from the extra coffee and the class took it right out of me. Back home I consoled myself with a bar of Lidl’s finest milk chocolate and lo and behold along came a sugar roller-coaster rush of epic proportions after my nearly 48 hour choco-abstention. Sugar gives me mood swings, and I’d never noticed before to what extent I used those mood swings to gain momentum during the low-energy parts of the day.
So, my difficulties hinge around dealing with my physical addiction to the energy burst and emotional buzz I get from sugar. Ok, now I know this there is something to get traction against. High on my list of priorities, being time-rich right now, are practising midday naps and plenty of yoga in between writing (blog and job applications), eating lots of leafy green vegetables. Hopefully I can set myself and my family up for a healthier way of being one day at a time. And perhaps in the near future I can get back in touch with that light, refined part of my self that I met in savasana the other day, you know, the one who may just be able to make and enjoy a cake in moderation.